Rascal Flatts-Stand

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever-Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

I don't watch Grey's Anatomy. I just found this quote online, and I love how true it is. People say that heart break isn't real; it is, and science has proven it. It's called Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy.

I haven't taken a day off to relax in two months-the last few days I took off very for a test so I could study & because I was sick-so I've taken a day off next week where I'm going to go pumpkin carving with some friends. I'm really looking forward to it; I've been sick these past two weeks, and it took a week of NyQuil at night & Acetaminophen throughout the day to recover, simply because I don't get a chance to rest. Even today, I woke up & forced myself to study instead of going online and then spent most of the day with family.

Oh, and two of my three muscle pulls in my legs and feet are gone, Alhamdullilah.

So, life is just.. Alhamdullilah.
I'm not going to say good or bad, because that's a matter of perspective, and I wouldn't be here if I had the choice. I'm only around because there's way too many people who rely on me-and I never, ever, ever let anyone down-and there's family members who can't go on without me. My parents can't, and it's because I've been in their lives for so long-no parent should ever, ever, ever, ever (stress a million times on ever) have to experience the death of their child-so that's pretty much the only reason why I even fear that Allah has death in store for me before its my parents' time.

Just like Dumbledore said; there are things in life worse than death.

Speaking of things in life, I'm changing how I do stuff. I don't expect things from people at all. It's much better to just give and give and never expect anything in return. Almost everyone will always let you down.
They'll be super nice to you and help you until they don't need you anymore. I say 'almost' everyone because the only people who won't are your family, best friends, and maybe a few other friends who love you.

I've also stopped planning things for the next few months. I still plan for the future. I had a plan until now to get married (InshaAllah) after doing my Masters (InshaAllah) & then have my four children (InshaAllah) & build my own house.
Now.. I'm keeping those plans. I'm just not going to set a time frame. I'm not going to keep thinking about all those plans. I'm focusing on the present, on what's happening today and tomorrow and next week.
It makes things easier.. simpler. I'm not expecting things to happen, and I'm definitely not getting disappointed when things don't happen.

Andddd.. I'm focusing more on helping and giving and making people laugh. That's what has worked all this time-to give & enjoy that feeling of happiness inside me when someone smiled or laughed and it was because of me.
Like in my chemistry class, my teacher gives us in class assignments randomly where she checks our attendance. So I do one with my own name & grab another piece of paper and write the name of someone famous. The first time, I wrote Chuck Norris, and my professor asked the class if anyone was named Chuck Norris because they actually did the assignment too. Two guys actually raised their hands and said they were Chuck Norris-freshmen kids trying to act all cool-and everyone laughed, and only my friends know that it was me. The second time I didn't write anything, but on the third & fourth assignments, I wrote 'Napoleon' and 'Jesus'. On Friday, she has us do an anonymous feedback for how her explanation for stoichiometry was & I wrote 'Chuck Norris approves' and she laughed a lot when she saw it. I'm going to tell the professor at the end of the semester that it was me all along, but I'll enjoy making her smile till then.

I'm getting a headache now, so Imma stop writing.