Dreams of the future

I close the door after I step inside. I haven't even taken a few steps forward before I hear tiny steps and my three year old son comes running to me. It's late at night, so I'm a little surprised that he's awake.
"Daddy!" He shrieks as he grabs my leg.
"Hey, buddy, where's mommy?" I pick him up and ruffle his hair.
"She's sleeping on the couch." He laughs as rests his head on my shoulder. I walk into the living room and he's right, she's asleep on the couch with various toys around her. Her hair is in a neat ponytail, and she's wearing grey sweat pants and a plain white t-shirt.

I chuckle as I gently set him down. "Have you had dinner yet?" I whisper, so I don't wake her up. He grabs the collar of my shirt with his tiny little fingers and stares at me with his bright eyes which resemble mine, "Yes, but I woke up and I want my milk bottle!"
I smile and kiss his forehead. "Let's go take care of that, then."
He wraps his arms round my neck as I pick him up again, "But, what about mommy?" He bites his little finger.

"Let her sleep for a little bit longer, she looks really tired." I take him to the kitchen and look for his milk bottle. I hear her wake up and walk into the living room, having found it.
"Hey, babe."
She rubs her eyes and smiles at me, "Why didn't you wake me up when you got home?"
"He wanted his milk, so I took care of it, I didn't want to wake you up."
As she stands up, I pull her into my arms, hugging both of them, the two most important people in my little world.

Rascal Flatts-Stand

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever-Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

I don't watch Grey's Anatomy. I just found this quote online, and I love how true it is. People say that heart break isn't real; it is, and science has proven it. It's called Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy.

I haven't taken a day off to relax in two months-the last few days I took off very for a test so I could study & because I was sick-so I've taken a day off next week where I'm going to go pumpkin carving with some friends. I'm really looking forward to it; I've been sick these past two weeks, and it took a week of NyQuil at night & Acetaminophen throughout the day to recover, simply because I don't get a chance to rest. Even today, I woke up & forced myself to study instead of going online and then spent most of the day with family.

Oh, and two of my three muscle pulls in my legs and feet are gone, Alhamdullilah.

So, life is just.. Alhamdullilah.
I'm not going to say good or bad, because that's a matter of perspective, and I wouldn't be here if I had the choice. I'm only around because there's way too many people who rely on me-and I never, ever, ever let anyone down-and there's family members who can't go on without me. My parents can't, and it's because I've been in their lives for so long-no parent should ever, ever, ever, ever (stress a million times on ever) have to experience the death of their child-so that's pretty much the only reason why I even fear that Allah has death in store for me before its my parents' time.

Just like Dumbledore said; there are things in life worse than death.

Speaking of things in life, I'm changing how I do stuff. I don't expect things from people at all. It's much better to just give and give and never expect anything in return. Almost everyone will always let you down.
They'll be super nice to you and help you until they don't need you anymore. I say 'almost' everyone because the only people who won't are your family, best friends, and maybe a few other friends who love you.

I've also stopped planning things for the next few months. I still plan for the future. I had a plan until now to get married (InshaAllah) after doing my Masters (InshaAllah) & then have my four children (InshaAllah) & build my own house.
Now.. I'm keeping those plans. I'm just not going to set a time frame. I'm not going to keep thinking about all those plans. I'm focusing on the present, on what's happening today and tomorrow and next week.
It makes things easier.. simpler. I'm not expecting things to happen, and I'm definitely not getting disappointed when things don't happen.

Andddd.. I'm focusing more on helping and giving and making people laugh. That's what has worked all this time-to give & enjoy that feeling of happiness inside me when someone smiled or laughed and it was because of me.
Like in my chemistry class, my teacher gives us in class assignments randomly where she checks our attendance. So I do one with my own name & grab another piece of paper and write the name of someone famous. The first time, I wrote Chuck Norris, and my professor asked the class if anyone was named Chuck Norris because they actually did the assignment too. Two guys actually raised their hands and said they were Chuck Norris-freshmen kids trying to act all cool-and everyone laughed, and only my friends know that it was me. The second time I didn't write anything, but on the third & fourth assignments, I wrote 'Napoleon' and 'Jesus'. On Friday, she has us do an anonymous feedback for how her explanation for stoichiometry was & I wrote 'Chuck Norris approves' and she laughed a lot when she saw it. I'm going to tell the professor at the end of the semester that it was me all along, but I'll enjoy making her smile till then.

I'm getting a headache now, so Imma stop writing.

Her.

So I was totally tired with a migraine and thinking about how everyone usually has someone in their life whom they trust with everything and anything and have someone they can always rely on.

Of course, Allah is always here to listen to us.

And then I listening to Savage Garden's I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You, and I was thinking of Aral and Ayza.

Before I meet them, there's a girl somewhere on this planet that I'm going to marry, InshaAllah.

I don't know her name, and I don't know if I've even met her yet.

But, I ask Allah to make sure she has an awesome Eid.
And to always bless her and do whatever is best for her.
And, of course, to always keep her happy and smiling.

A smile from a child makes a life worth living.

See the smiles on their faces?

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151530277997063

That's what I live for.

Time to go public with this poem

It's not supposed to be this way,
I'm not meant to be here today,
But I am standing right here,
Without you.

I dream of your face,
I think about you all the time,
I feel you everwhere I go,
I hear you laughing in the rain.

I just want to give you one more hug,
Tell you it's going to be okay,
Hear your musical laugh again,
See your smile brighten my day.

All you've left behind now,
Are albums of pictures,
And our hand prints on the wall,
Your hands so much smaller than mine.

I loved you before I met you,
I remember I thought you looked like an angel,
I had you memorized better than anyone else,
I'd wish you good night before you fell asleep.

I'll always call you my son,
I can see you in Heaven, my little one.

Written 8/16/2013.

Oompa loompa, dooba di doo

Dum de dum.
I wonder how many posts I've started with that.
Probably a lot.
Or maybe very few.
Anyway.
Not to deviate from the point.
Which is ironic, since there was no point to begin with.
I just felt like writing.
Totally tired and sleepy, but yeah, feel like writing.
Cause I haven't written anything long and random (which is pretty much exactly the way I speak) in a while.
And yes, I write the exact same way that I talk.
Like, you could be talking to me, and this is exact how I would be speaking.
What was I saying?
Oh yeah. I feel like writing.

She pushes the shovel into the fresh soil with her right foot and starts making a hole.
Her younger brother of nine years joins in and they work on digging a hole together.
The girl is eleven.
An even younger brother runs out with a smaller shovel.
He's seven, but he wants to help, and they let him join in.
A five year old girl walks toward them with two large dogs jumping around her.

I'll leave it to everyone to figure out who the characters are.

I try to do at least one crazy thing every day.
So, yesterday, I sang, 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight' at the top of my voice in a crowded dining hall. It was a tiny bit embarrassing when everyone turned to look at me and didn't join in or laugh, but I hope I made someone's day. And my two friends who dared me to do it ditched me instead of standing right behind me. But yeah, it was fun, and it still feels good.

And I'm going to keep editing this post and add pictures to this post for a few days so people see this update first. :)

This tool could have saved me hours of my life.

Life update & 365 Day Project, Day 74

So tired.
But then, I'm always tired these days.
I'm waiting for Tuesday, cause that's when I'm off from work, I have evening and night classes, and therefore, I get to sleep in for the first time in five weeks.
Oh, and I have a Calculus II exam tomorrow. I had a physics one today, and that went really well, Alhamdullilah.

I miss Karachi. Even with half the PIA fleet grounded and most of the country without electricity.

Home is home.

I have a new list of stuff that I want to do once I graduate.

Buy the biggest, baddest, meanest truck/jeep that I can find. Probably a monster truck. Expensive? Yeah.
Build a house with my own hands, from start to finish-hammer, tooth, and nail. Ambitious? Oh yeah.
Get married and meet all four of my children. Have to be patient? OH yeah.

And on that note, here's a picture, of a picture, of another picture.

Coolest shirt I've ever seen.

365 Day Project, Day 46

Cause babies are cute.

Ya Qalbi

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye



Do you believe in love at first sight?
I do.
It happened to me, so that's how I believe.
I still remember meeting The One Who Leaves Me Breathless in August, 2008.
I was so speechless that all that came out was a 'Hi.'
Even though I was newly-crowned Head Boy at that time.
Love that memory.


I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye


AND I was runner-up to Tay Tay on Juliet's photography competition. Can't believe she beat me-I took a picture of my baby cousin since I don't have one of Aral & Ayza yet soo I sent that in.
It feels good.


Here's the competition page: A Purple Sky

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

The title, by the way, is Arabic for 'my heart.'

Since I couldn't find an Arabic word that relates to what's on my mind most.

And what's on my mind most is The One Who Leaves Me Breathless.

And she has my heart.

Whichever way she keeps it, whether she breaks it, or whatever, that's up to her.

So my title makes sense to you, right?

*Gives intimidating look*

Yes. Good. Glad we're on good terms.

Domino

This is the least I've ever blogged.. in ages.
I've been busy, yes.
Sleeping, trying to fight off migraines, going to the doctor, giving tuitions, studying, and messing with my iPhone.

I was feeling down the other day and this boy made my day. His name is Zidane and he's three years old.
He's one of my favorite three year old kids.

I'm supposed to be at my university by September 2nd. Provided that they give me admission, God willing.

In other news, I can finally go more than ten minutes without thinking of The One Who Leaves Me Breathless.



Someday, you'll find someone special again. People who've been in love usually do. It's in their nature.


Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life. But I'd rather be your moon, so I can shine on you during your darkest hour when your sun isn't around.

I'm forever yours.. Faithfully

Nobody wants to be alone,
with the fear of letting go.
If you could hear me say
It`s gonna be okay
would you be okay


I'm finally feeling better.
Either that, or I'm just smiling anyway.
Or it's being busy with events that it stopping me from thinking sad stuff.
Whatever it is, it's working.


In memory of Abdul Hadi. It's been a week.


Today could have been the day,
That you blow out your candles,
Make a wish as you close your eyes.

Today could have been the day,
Everybody was laughing,Instead I just sit here and cry,


Not a day goes by,
That I don't think of you,
I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

He's in a better place now. His pain is gone.
And he'll be happier than he ever was on earth.
The One Who Leaves Me Breathless, thank you.