Rules.

I wanna rock with somebody,
I wanna take shots with somebody,
I wanna leave with somebody.

First rule: Trust no one.
Rule broken.

Walking everybody knows what's good,
But some gonna hate, what's new?
We just do our thing, no time to waste.

Second rule: Do not get too close to anyone.
Rule broken.

And at the end of the night when the lights go out, will we turn down?
And when they try to make us leave, we turn to say we're never going home,
And you know just what I want to do.

Third rule: Do not fall in love again.
Rule not broken.

Keep it that way.

It's the clarity that comes after two week's of migraines that is scary and useful.
It's the train of thoughts that comes when I'm exhausted, having finally beaten migraines with medicines and relaxing with friends.
It's the analysis of where I am-an analysis made while driving.

I agree with the three rules. I will not suffer again.

Sometimes, Goodbye is a Second Chance

It feels weird.
My favorite season is just around the corner, and this is usually the best time of the year.
I've always loved winter, that feeling of cool air, of complete freshness; it's almost as if you can start a new life with every new day.

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing,
Let mercy fall on me.
(Hillsong: Mighty To Save)

Winter holds some of the best-and some of the worst-memories.
It's like a whole new different with how refreshing everything is.

But instead, my migraines are getting worse.
The last time they got this bad was two years ago, which is why it's so strange.
I've gotten used to having a migraine all the time, but this is different.

On top of that, I'm too busy. I don't get a chance to sit down and relax properly anymore; but I knew that was going to happen when I took so many classes and worked so much-the whole point was to not have time to sit and reflect about life and everything.
Even with all that, I still get a chance to think; while I'm driving, or studying the same type of homework problems again and again.

The whole problem with having time to think is wondering what my plan is anymore.
It's always been the same; graduate, pay off my loans, and move back.
But I don't know if that's what I really want to do.
I've finally stayed in one place long enough to make good friends again, long enough to even start building my mini-library.
I used to have my own library, so having enough books to fill over four shelves is a major accomplishment.

I don't know anymore.
I'm not worrying about it or stressing or anything.
It's a really, really weird feeling to not have a plan for the future that's set in stone.

Maybe I'll travel a bit first; I've always wanted to go to Europe, Egypt, China, Turkey, Iran.

Heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why,
Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright.
(The Fray: Heaven Forbid)

Lost

Did you lose what won't return?
Did you love but never learn?

He looks around, stunned by what he had just heard.
It had never been a possibility, the thought had never occurred to him.

The fire's out but still it burns,
And no one cares, there's no one there.

His legs give way, and he falls to the ground suddenly.
Nothing could have prepared him for this.

Did you find it hard to breathe?
Did you cry so much that you could barely see?

He had just finished getting the surprise ready.
The perfectly set table looked empty now.

You're in the darkness all alone,
And no one cares, there's no one there.

He can see her picture on the table;
The flickering candlelight gives it a haunted look.

But did you see the flares in the sky?
Were you blinded by the light?

He's shocked beyond belief,
The last thing he remembered was the picture of her.

Did you feel the smoke in your eyes?
Did you? Did you?

He wakes up at dawn,
It takes a few minutes for it to sink in.

Did you see the sparks filled with hope? You are not alone,
Cause someone's out there, sending out flares.

He slowly gets up and looks around,
The candle had burnt itself out.

Did you break but never mend?
Did it hurt so much you thought it was the end?

Light rays of sunlight brighten the day outside,
The curtains are drawn, there's darkness inside.

Lose your heart, but don't know when
And no one cares, there's no one there.

Flares-The Script (the stuff in italics)
I came up with the rest.

Hope.

I had a dream last night.
You weren't in it.
It was a different face.
A new face, a face I didn't recognize.

I'm being patient.
God lets everything happen for the best.
But the new face?
It represents hope, and a new world of possibilities.

It's nice, to be able to smile, while hoping for the best.
It's amazing, to be able to sing along with my old favorite songs, and not see your face everywhere.
But, there is no true despair, without hope.
Even so, I'm not afraid. Life brings its challenges, and the only way to beat them is to meet them head-on.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.-Lao Tzu.

Her.

So I was totally tired with a migraine and thinking about how everyone usually has someone in their life whom they trust with everything and anything and have someone they can always rely on.

Of course, Allah is always here to listen to us.

And then I listening to Savage Garden's I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You, and I was thinking of Aral and Ayza.

Before I meet them, there's a girl somewhere on this planet that I'm going to marry, InshaAllah.

I don't know her name, and I don't know if I've even met her yet.

But, I ask Allah to make sure she has an awesome Eid.
And to always bless her and do whatever is best for her.
And, of course, to always keep her happy and smiling.

Hold on, we're going home

Oh, my my how beautiful, oh my beautiful mother. She told me, "Son in life you're gonna go far, and if you do it right you'll love where you are."
-Jason Mraz; '93 million miles'

Last Friday, for the first time ever, I actually felt like I was in a city where I would be happy. It wasn't raining; it was one of the first chilly days of Fall, and I was sitting outside and studying.

The breeze that blew through felt just like the breeze in Karachi. Exact same feeling. Exact same sensation.

It's the first time that I've accepted that Dallas can be my home. I always used to say that Karachi was and will always be home-it still is-but until I go back, this is finally a place where I can be.. happy. Where I can be me.

I'm not going to change who I am. I'm going to love where I am. There's a feeling of peace that takes over.

Alhamdullilah :)

Oh, and Eid Mubarak!

Karachi-365 Day Project, Day 100

I've been studying all day, and I can't focus. I know what I'm learning and how to solve the problems, but I keep staring off into the distance, and there's this.. feeling.. inside me.. that I don't want to be here.
If you do it right,
you'll love where you are.
Jason Mraz-93 Million Miles

I want to be in Karachi. I want to be with my parents, with my brothers, teaching at my old high school, driving to school, worrying about stuff like the heat and my headaches instead of being here and stressing over finances for next year, migraines, and why I feel so sad all the time.

I'm not wishing for anything here. I'm thankful for everything that I've been given. I just.. want to be in two places at once. I love learning here. I don't like the studying part, but the learning? It's so.. incredible.. how there's so much more to this world than what we see around us. There's stuff happening that we have no idea about. Flowers and bees, elements and valence shells, emergencies and 10-1's, I could keep on going and going.
I also love Karachi. I love the heat, the humidity, the traffic, the no-speed-limit, unlimited texting packages, opportunities for endless laughter..

Someone who laughs too much is lonely inside, someone who speaks less but speaks fast keeps secrets, someone who gets angry easily needs love..

I still laugh. At times. But not as much as I used to. Now, I usually laugh at comedy scenes in movies (I watch like one every month or so if I'm lucky), on skype with my family, or with friends-and I rarely get time to spend with friends.

But.. I'm not.. me.

Gravity

All night, staring at the ceiling, counting, for minutes, I'm feeling, this way, so far away, and so alone.-Lifehouse, All In

I feel weird. I've been listening to upbeat music all week and now I feel like listening to sad music.
Oh, wait. It's only Wednesday.

Yeah, I'm all in, I'm all in for life.-Lifehouse, All In

I was studying, but I don't feel like studying right now. I just want to talk to my old friends, talk to people I haven't spoken to in a long time.

There's no taking back, what we've got's too strong, we've had each other's back for too long, there's no breaking up this time.-Lifehouse, All In

I can't wait for spring, so the cold winds go away and I can relax in the warm rain again.

And now I'm calling, calling out your name.-Lifehouse, All In

My doctor told me to join a stress-reduction group.

The birds are singing, in your eyes today. Sweet flowers blossom, in your smile.-Billy Brag, Birds & Ships

I feel.. lost.

365 Day Project, Day 24

I got really bored of reading and being online and looking for new music. So I went back to the simplest origami I know. Ships/Boats.

About Today. And 365 Day Project, Day.. 23

I've crossed 60,000 page views.
Makes me feel good.

I've made a bunch of mistakes along the way. I've moved across continents. I've gained weight, too. (Yes, that was supposed to make you laugh). I'm losing that weight, by the way.

But I was watching Warrior today. I've seen the brothers' fight before, but at that time I only cared about the song that was playing and trying to find out what song that was. It's 'About Today' by The National, if anyone wants to know.

I don't know what I'm going to do in life. Only God knows. It still takes time to forgive oneself for every mistake made along the way. And for me, a mistake is made when someone else is hurt or badly affected by something I did. And living with that is not easy, especially not when all you want to do is help other people. When you don't care about you, but you believe that you're here to make it better for someone else. Whoever else that person may be.

This is all just really random. Like the way I used to be. The way I liked to be.

I wanted to say one thing after watching Warrior. That guy may never hear it to read it, but I'm still going to say it. You damn well better take care of her. Cause now it's your responsibility and you better be around for her forever.

That said, here's today's picture. It's at sunset, yes. The very last rays of the sun on this side of the planet.
I love the picture since you can see the purple/pink part of the rays too.

365 Day Project, Day 17

Miss Independent. First Ne-Yo song that I heard.

Being thankful

Heyheyhey.

It's been over a month since I've written a blog post, so taking time out of studying was essential.

I've had a really interesting week.

By interesting, I mean the Chinese form of interesting.
There's a Chinese curse, 'may you have an interesting day'
When someone says it, it's not like they're actually saying, 'oh hey, I hope you have a horrible day', but instead, it's more of a good or bad type of thing.

Anyway. Getting back to the point. If you've been watching the news, you've probably heard about Hurricane Sandy.
And I had a really interesting time with it.
I came back from my uncle's house last Saturday, since I was at his place for Eid.
I stocked up on water and canned food and all that stuff, even had some food in the fridge that I could heat up and have as a hot meal.

And then, on Monday, the electricity went at 7pm.
I kept hoping that it would come back, but our RA-resident assistant-told us to pack for a night in case we were evacuated. So I packed my laptop and some clothes, and went to sleep at 12ish.
Only to be woken up at 2:30am and told to go downstairs since we were being evacuated.
Then we were moved to the recreation center, which-surprise, surprise-was running on backup generators, which only provided a little bit of light, no heat, and no internet.
And it was really cold-it's November, and that's when the cold weather starts coming in-oh, and by starts, I mean that it goes down to -1 degrees Celsius-so yeah.
And we stayed up till 4am, when some of us were given army cots-the lucky ones, that is, since we got to the line early-and the rest pretty much slept on the cold floor.
At around 8am, my roommate woke me up and told me that we could all go back to our apartments. There were a bunch of people leaving through the emergency exit doors, so I decided to go check with my resident assistant first, just to confirm. And it turned out that all those people who were going back would be unable to get into their apartments since all the entry doors to the halls are electronic and wouldn't let anyone in.
So I went back to sleep.. till around 2pm, when we were evacuated for a second time, to the Student Center at the campus across the river. (My university has seven campuses, five in my city, and two in two other cities.)
And they had electricity.. and internet.. and army cots. And the dining hall was a minute away from our room, so it was awesome, and I am so, so, so thankful for that.

Our classes were cancelled for the rest of the week, but I was getting migraines, so it was sort of fun with friends that I had't had much of a chance to spend time with, but overall, it was okay, I guess.
I emailed my Matlab professor, since we had a mid-term the next week.

He still hasn't replied to my email, but he sent out an email to the entire class that the mid-term was postponed by a week. :P

Apart from all that, I'm just totally busy, tired, and sleepy. I've just been studying, studying, and studying.
It's supposed to snow tomorrow, so I'm not taking my bike out, even though I hate walking.
Oh well.

I have no idea when I'll get time to post again, so I hope everyone has an awesome time!

Oh, and before I forget. Justin Bieber's 'One Love' is my favorite song of the week.

Dallas Cowboys>All other teams put together

Hi.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

I haven't commented on anyone's posts for ages, I know-just totally busy, only get time to read them and that's about it O.o

I'm actually supposed to be studying but took time out to do this.

I've put up a small poster of the Dallas Cowboys on my dorm window and everyone who passes by sees it.
A group of guys actually called out, 'Tony Romo sucks!' to me when they saw it.
For those of you who don't know, Tony Romo is the quarterback on the Cowboys' team.
And for those of you who really don't know, a quarterback is like the most important player on the team.

But, for all of you Cowboys-haters out there, the Cowboys won another game a few hours ago.
I should go around wearing my Cowboys shirt, in fact.
Oh, wait, I think I will tomorrow, if it's cold. I don't want to wear a full-sleeves and get all sweaty otherwise.

I've had a tiring week. Studying and going to work-I work six hours a week in the administrative department at Rutgers-no fringe benefits, though, since it's a student job-but yeah-and interviews and playing basketball and sleeping till 2:30 on Sundays.

I have a new obsession. Chinese Bamboo Flute. It sounds so awesome.

For those of you in Pakistan who have YouTube blocked, sorry, ya'll. I'm on YouTube a lot, just to listen to this.

Oh, and before I get back to studying, I had to tell you my roommate story.
So when I found out my housing assignment-as in which dorm I'll be in and what facilities it has-I also got to know who my roommates were and their email addresses.
My apartment was a two-bedroom one with four beds-meaning that two people shared a room.
One was a Chinese, another was an Indian, and a third was Caucasian.
So, I emailed all three, saying hi, who I was, a little background, and that I don't drink or smoke, so if they didn't either, it would be awesome.
The Chinese replied that he was moving to the States for the first time, he did not smoke/drink, but he played the saxophone and would practice. Pretty cool.
The Indian replied that he was originally born in New York, but his family was Indian, and that he did not drink/smoke, but he had a girlfriend and she would be coming over to stay with him on weekends, and if anyone was uncomfortable with that, they should let him know. Still pretty cool.
The Caucasian did not reply and sent a request to change his room-we knew that since it showed on our assignment screens. Hmm...
I wanted to be able to sleep in peace, so I told the Indian that I was uncomfortable being in the same room, and he said it was okay, I could share my room with the Chinese.
Two weeks later, the Caucasian replied that it was cool if the Indian's girlfriend came over, as long as she brought food, and he liked toast, so could someone bring a toaster? Oh, and he wanted us all to go biking whenever we could. Oh, my God.
So, we didn't have the Caucasian as a roommate anymore, but yeahh.

So we didn't know who our fourth roommate was.
I moved into the apartment first and picked the room in the corner and the bed in the corner, next to the window, and all that.
The Chinese moved in a few days later.
The Indian came and left his stuff, said he'd move in after the weekend.
Then on Saturday morning, while both my roommate and I were asleep, the door to the apartment opened and this huge African American guy walked in, talking on his phone. I woke up and went like, who on earth are you??
Turns out, he was our fourth roommate.

If that story didn't make you laugh, then I probably didn't make it sound funny enough.

But I hope ya'll have a good week! :)

Danza Kuduro

Here's a llama
There's a llama
And another little llama
Fuzzy llama
Funny llama
Llama llama duck

Two glasses of Pepsi are enough to make me drunk.
I'd probably die with three.

You're probably wondering what the link/picture is that I'm talking about.

I can just imagine Aral wearing it <3

When your lips touch mine

It's the kiss of life

I know

I know that it's a little bit frightening

We might as well be playing

With lightning

I knew I loved you before I met you

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. he grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks," How did you do that???? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!!!" The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes tot the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. he drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all....SPLAT!!!!!! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him," You're really an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

It's amazing how you speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

My first paragraph reminds me, 'American Standard' is usually the way to be.

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

I'm enjoying the holidays. I have guests staying over at my place who're from my family's ancestral home, Larkana, and relatives  from America, so it's a pretty diverse atmosphere. Music and new technology mixing with prayers and chaos.

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight,
I've never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing,
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side,
And when you turned to me and smiled, it took my breath away,
And I have never had such a feeling,
Such a feeling of complete and utter love, as I do tonight.

Oh, and does anyone else have an Acer laptop that's been giving them trouble with overheating? Cause this is the second Acer laptop I've bought and both have the exact same problem, it's turning into a family joke, that the first problem with the laptop is that it's an Acer. Imma buy Asus next, anyone have one of those?

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along

I got into another university Alhamdullilah, this time the University of Texas at Dallas. So now I can choose between the East Coast, the West Coast, and the South.

The biggest mistake you'll make is walking away from the person that stood there and waited for you.

Heart is a mess.

This shall be a happy post.

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end.

Listening to Gotye in the morning with the laptop's volume on full?
And singing along?
Amazing.

Pick apart
The pieces of your heart
And let me peer inside
Let me in
Where only your thoughts have been
Let me occupy your mindAs you do mine


I taught grades two and three this week. I usually teach from grades four to eleven, so it was an amazing change.
Such cute students too. I didn't have to raise my voice a single time. Loved it.

I love this poem that I wrote.
'Wows of the Future'


They stand facing the wind,
Everyone watches them.
They stand together,
Neither complete without the other.

The tall twenty-five year old whispers something into her ear,
She laughs and pulls his arms around her.
They stand in the second-floor balcony,
They watch the sunset together.

The girl is a doctor,
She works ardently at her hospital,
She changes someone's life everyday,
She will be a good mother.

The boy is an engineer and a pillar of society,
He works to change and improve life,
He helps keep the neighborhood safe,
He will be a good father.

Their love gives everyone else hope for the future,
The two hard workers help the society.
Everyone watches them with pride,
They let no one stare with envy.

The girl leans against him,
He smiles as she relaxes.
They wait to welcome their first-born,
The street waits with bated breath.

They are two diamonds in a sea of rubies,
Both made for one another.

Distracted

So tired. Head hurts. Been out driving. Traffic. Bright lights. Right in my eyes. People honking. Talking to mum. Sleepless nights.

Don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
And don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on by


You know love is better than a song
Love is where all of us belong
So don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there
Cat Stevens-Don't Be Shy




I was invigilating today.
Lots of invigilations, more than any other teacher.
I was invigilating today.
The One Who Leaves Me Breathless/The One Who Gives Me Asthma/My Breath-Taker was in the first class I had to invigilate.
I was invigilating today.
And I was so distracted. I kept staring at The One Who Leaves Me and forgetting to keep an eye on the rest of the students.
I was invigilating today.
And I was totally distracted.
So distracted that I've been distracted all day today.




I put on my jeans and shirt and shoes the sameAnd I'll leave my house and show my face againI thought that I could find a way to hide the truthBut everybody knowsEverybody knows
I'm tryna smileI'm tryna lieI'm tryna live another life
Tryna be the me without youIt's like driving in a car with no wheelsFlying through the sky with no wingsA needle in the eye don't stingWhen you're underwater you can't breatheWhen I need to call you I can't reachTryna light a fire with no sparkNo match and no fuseTryna to be me without you
Oh it's hard to find somebody newWhen the only one I'm looking for is youI thought that I could find a way to hide the truthBut everybody knowsEverybody knowsI'm tryna smileI'm tryna lieI'm tryna live another lifeLoick Essien-Me Without You

When's the day you start againAnd when the hell does you'll get over it beginI'm looking hard in the mirrorBut I don't fit my skinIt's too much to takeIt's too hard to break meFrom the cell I'm in
Oh from this moment onI'm changing the way I feel yeahFrom this moment onIt's time to get a real
Cause I still don't know how to actDon't know what to sayStill wear the scars like it was yesterdayBut you're long gone and moved onCause you're long goneBut I still don't know where to start, still finding my wayStill talk about you like it was yesterdayBut you're long gone and moved onBut you're long gone, you moved onThe Script-Long Gone & Moved on

I'm in a musical mood, yes. Music is what I use to drown out everything. Music and prayers are my tools to relaxing and feeling better.The One Who Leaves Me Breathless, I love you.And I found out today that it is meant to be.