Ya Qalbi

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye



Do you believe in love at first sight?
I do.
It happened to me, so that's how I believe.
I still remember meeting The One Who Leaves Me Breathless in August, 2008.
I was so speechless that all that came out was a 'Hi.'
Even though I was newly-crowned Head Boy at that time.
Love that memory.


I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye


AND I was runner-up to Tay Tay on Juliet's photography competition. Can't believe she beat me-I took a picture of my baby cousin since I don't have one of Aral & Ayza yet soo I sent that in.
It feels good.


Here's the competition page: A Purple Sky

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

The title, by the way, is Arabic for 'my heart.'

Since I couldn't find an Arabic word that relates to what's on my mind most.

And what's on my mind most is The One Who Leaves Me Breathless.

And she has my heart.

Whichever way she keeps it, whether she breaks it, or whatever, that's up to her.

So my title makes sense to you, right?

*Gives intimidating look*

Yes. Good. Glad we're on good terms.

Domino

This is the least I've ever blogged.. in ages.
I've been busy, yes.
Sleeping, trying to fight off migraines, going to the doctor, giving tuitions, studying, and messing with my iPhone.

I was feeling down the other day and this boy made my day. His name is Zidane and he's three years old.
He's one of my favorite three year old kids.

I'm supposed to be at my university by September 2nd. Provided that they give me admission, God willing.

In other news, I can finally go more than ten minutes without thinking of The One Who Leaves Me Breathless.



Someday, you'll find someone special again. People who've been in love usually do. It's in their nature.


Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life. But I'd rather be your moon, so I can shine on you during your darkest hour when your sun isn't around.

Blogoversary!

A year ago, I was in America, preparing to leave for Pakistan.
I was looking forward to seeing my homeland again as well as all my friends and The One Who Leaves Me Breathless.
And I was anxiously waiting for Harvard University to tell me if they would give me admission or not.
A year later, I'm in Pakistan, preparing to leave for America.
I'm looking forward to healing.
I haven't given up. I'm just hurting too much.
And I'm waiting for Rowan University to reply to my application.
It's a journey of 326 miles from Harvard to Rowan. I've come a long way.


It's my Blogoversary. That means that it's been a year since I started my blog. And to celebrate it-it's 2:26 a.m. and I just woke up after dreaming of taking pictures with a professional camera with The One Who Leaves Me Breathless and unbelievably, my head hurts worse than it has all three days of my migraine but I still feel like celebrating having survived for so long-I have two guest posts from two amazing people.
It's like a birthday when you get texts & Facebook notifications saying 'Happy Blogoversary!'


The first is from Mahnoor (a.k.a. The Butterfly Effect).
I'm honored to write something for my favorite follower :)

I don't personally know you. I mean I do but I dunno. I mean your blog is all personal so I do know you personally. We've chatted a couple of times but that's it. Even though communication between us has been minimal I feel as though i see myself in you when i was 19. You're at the height of emotions. I've been there. and I know how it feels. It's like there's just too much of feeling inside us but we've got no one to share it with, or at least no one who captures its intensity.

When i read about Aral and Ayza and about the one who leaves you breathless it makes me feel happy for you but it also makes me feel sad. Because reading from what you write it seems as though what you're giving isn't being returned to you not even close to the level it should be.

Recently, once again i discovered that the cure to the soul lies only and only in the remembrance of our Creator. And kiddo, believe it or not, your soul is hurting. I see it in all your posts. the damage that is being done isn't just to your heart or your brain or just your body. It goes way beyond. I've been through a situation where my soul hurt so bad and i wished that I had someone who could have told me to hold myself together. But there wasn't. And maybe I sound like a busy body to you but honestly, I am being sincere.

You know God has made humans such that we crave for love. And no matter how much we deny it we fall in love over and over and over again. Yes, "the one" love happens only once but it doesn't mean that the rest of it is any less beautiful.
think about it.

and oh, BTW, happy Blogoversary :D

Something for your followers:
Guys, he's an amazing kid. Got a heart of liquid gold. and I hope its also true about his brains ;)
If I were a few years younger and of course unmarried, he would have long been past the one who leaves him breathless :P

I can't believe I'm hitting on a kid :P Jokes aside, he's a great kid. and from what I've read a great son too. 
keep blogging kiddo and have a happy and purposeful life.



And the second is from Areesha at Me, Myself, and I.

When I first started my blog 'Me, Myself and I' (terrible name, I know), I did not expect to have many followers which was true for the first 2 or 3 months. Then an amazing person called Ovais (a.k.a Cheeku )became my follower and BOOM! I became a part of the Blogger family; something I never thought would be possible.

After he added me on Facebook and we exchanged numbers, we became like the best of friends. Which involves me telling him about the craziness that is my life and the two of us helping the other during those despicable bouts of depression that we're prone to.

Cheeku, you're the best friend I have, the sweetest, kindest, most generous and the weirdest person I know (second to Zeezu in craziness of course). I know you're always there for me and you know I'm always here for you. I'll never regret the day you came into my life. Love you, mate =)

P.S. Come to Rawalpindi already so that I can take you to Gloria Jeans =P

P.P.S. This is the suckiest guest post I've written and I'm gonna write a proper post for you once I'm free. 

Pain.

How do I know that you care for me?
How do I know that you ever cared for me?
How do I know that you ever loved me?

I'm starting to hate being in love.
Because I love you, so much.
Because you don't seem to care at all.
Because it hurts every day.
Because I've been praying for some relief from such pain.
Because I've been crying every day now.

I just want you to be happy.
I just want me to be happy.
I just want to see Aral and Ayza.

I love you and I love them.
I'm so close to giving up on ever being loved back.
Because it never lasts. Because it never lasted earlier and it didn't last again then and if it didn't last, then what's the point?
I am going to love you and you and only you. No one else. Ever. Because I trust you, even though half my head screams at me that I shouldn't.
I can't trust anyone else. At all.

Five sneezes in ten seconds

Two posts in one.


8th March, 2012.


It's raining outside. I wish.
She's talking to me happily. I wish.
I'm properly happy again. I wish.
I'm with Aral & Ayza. I wish.


All these nights are catching up to me
I just can't put insomnia to sleep
I close my eyes but all that I can see
Is someone who I'm never gonna be


All that I'm asking for
Is that you need nothing more
And nothing comes in between
Our love, and it's fragile, see
All that I'm asking for
You're all that I'm asking for


I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory.

I thought coming back was the right thing to do.

That I would heal by being back in Karachi, by being back at Bay View, by going back to my old house.

Instead, I'm just as broken as I was three years ago.

And that is not good.

It's taking more and more to not just end it. To keep going on.

Faith in God is all that helps.

And if I fall

And crash and burn

At least we both know

That I tried.

There's progress on one end, at least.

She's not everything anymore. Not when it kills me. She's still a major, major, major part of my life, and I love her just as much as I always have, but I am not going to be so dependent on her anymore. I can live. And I can do this.

This wasn't supposed to be such a sad post.

I'm sorry..






9th March, 2012.


I know you've been hurt by someone elseI can tell by the way you carry yourself.If you let me, here's what I'll doI'll take care of youI've loved and I've lost.
I'm more than just an optionRefuse to be forgottenI took a chance with my heartAnd I feel it taking over.
They say you have to love yourself before you can love another person.
And that you have to love yourself even when you love someone else.
And now that applies to me.
It's called accepting who you are. Knowing who you are.
It took a long calm drive on the way home after school today that I realized it.
I am who I am. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I get upset, depressed, and even angry, but that's part of who I am.
I think of other people before I think of myself, and I often hurt others unintentionally, but it's all part of me.
I realized it when I remembered how calm I can be when stuff happens. Like today, when I was practicing with the basketball team, like I do every Friday, and one of the students got hurt really badly and fell. I was the one who went through the crowd and picked him up and had him sit so I could see what needed to be done. And sent people running to get water, the first aid kit, and my mom, since she's done a first aid course too.
Like four years ago, when a student got hit in the face with a basketball and I was a Prefect. And a bunch of people crowded around asking if he was okay and I picked him up and took him to the nurse instead of gaping there.
Like five years ago, when there was a fire drill and no one knew what to do..except me. And all I do is use my head.


I'm not perfect. All I'm saying is that I accept who I am and love myself for it.

Falling for you

Yesterday was fun.
I went out with friends, people whom I hadn't met in two years, and it was amazing. The most fun I've had for a while.

I carried my baby cousin around while my mom shopped in a mall after that. My arms were tired, but it was fun. And like my mom said, 'Now you know what it feels like to be a parent and carry a child around all the time.'

That's her playing with one of the smaller models on display.


And yes, I've become much more tan after playing basketball under the sun for just an hour.


Anddd I'm listening to the radio station I used to listen to back in high school. I've found I still love it.