Back to being.. me. The Original Me.

I was going to write a post, and then almost decided not to.

I'm smiling again. The only change I've made is to pray more. I'm more thankful and have more.. I guess you could call it faith.. in everything. More faith that whatever will happen will for the best. More faith that I will get through everything. More faith that I don't need anyone except Allah. More faith that I can do this.

I was at a point where I thought I needed more friends, more people around me to help me.
That's not how life works.
Most people will be with you until they don't need you anymore.
I said that so many years ago, and it's true.

In Chemistry, half the class-actually half the class-borrows my stapler when they're turning their assignments. One girl said, 'you're like everyone's favorite person.'
'Only when they need me.'

I say most because there's some people who will still stick with you, not give up on you, and always be there for you. That's your family, and a few-few-awesome friends.

Not needing people doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to them. I still want to hang out with friends and have fun and everything. But I'm not going to text anyone first anymore. I feel like I'm annoying them-it makes me feel awkward and unwanted. And that feeling is what has brought me down these last two years. I've had enough of it. I'm not going to text my crush, my three best friends, or anyone else first. If you want me in your life, if you really value me, if you want to talk to me, then text me or message me or something. I want to talk to you. I don't know if you want to talk to me.

It's what my dad told me all the way through high school-trust family and almost no one else. Well, I trusted family, and family doesn't always have your back. Your parents and your siblings, yes. The rest? Maybe. And at times, even your siblings won't back you up. It took me time to learn-to experience for myself-what my dad told me.

That's why they say that parents are always right. Which reminds me-go and give your parents a hug & tell them you love them. They might think you're crazy if you've never done it before-some of you probably think it's crazy, but you'll learn and see for yourself someday.

I just hope it won't take you time and this thing called work hardening-which is a term for how blacksmiths beat metals with alloys to make them stronger-won't happen to you like it does to most people, and like it has to me.

So, I don't need anyone else except Allah. I said some time ago that I needed whoever was supposed to make me a better person, whoever she is, whatever her name is. I've realized that I don't need to be in a relationship to feel happy, to get through everything. I got used to being in a relationship. I'm in no rush to get into another one. Whenever the time is right, Allah will make it happen. I trust Allah.

So, Alhamdullilah. All we need is Allah.

Alhamdullilah!

*this is a happy post, scout's honor*

So I woke up yesterday and today with a migraine.

And I was just like.. no.
I had a presentation yesterday morning-a really important one, because I was presenting my proposal for my team's topic for our research project.
Oh, and I was presenting to my engineering class.

Which is kind of intimidating since everyone in that class is older than me and everyone probably knows a lot more technical stuff that I do.

I was the first to be presenting, too. Kind of a funny story how I got to present first. My teacher asked us how we wanted to present, and I raised my hand and volunteered-which shocked everyone, because engineers aren't usually very social and comfortable with presenting-and my professor said okay, but asked how we still wanted to do it.
And I couldn't resist; I raised my hand again and asked if this was the point where we all wrote down our names and she picked them one by one just like in the hunger games and I volunteered. Which made everyone laugh, but that's what we ended up doing.

So I had breakfast & medicine and got there on time and everything.
My proposal was how and why internet slows down when there are lots of people connected to the Wi-Fi.
And while presenting-something that I always do, even though it's considered playing with fire-I made a joke to get everyone's attention, make it memorable, and my jokes are almost always stuff that actually happened. And the joke was.. My choosing the topic came about while I was sitting at the UTD library and researching quantum computers, and this individual-professional language, right?-sat near me and started playing Call of Duty online on his laptop, and I could hear the sounds through his speakers & knew what was going on. My internet slowed down because he was taking up so much of it, so I started downloading a movie so his internet would slow down too. (Oh, and this actually happened. I may be super nice, but never mess with me. Find somewhere else to play Call of Duty online.)

Everyone loved my presentation, and that's how the awesomeness started. *wide smile*

I've been doing nothing but studying and working till my test today-and my test went great, Alhamdullilah, I understood almost everything since I studied with some new friends I've been making these two weeks.

Oh, and when I came out of my test auditorium at 8:30, I had three missed calls from my mom, a bunch of texts, and a voice mail, asking where I was, if I was okay, and to call her as soon as I got her voice mail. Turns out, she had thought my test ended at 7 instead of 8:30. Parents are awesome-not making fun of anyone, they really are awesome, I know lots of parents who don't care about their kids. So I am really blessed, Alhamdullilah.

I've been praying ten times as much as I used to-while I'm walking around, while driving-and the feeling of.. joy.. that I already have? It's like you work harder than you used to and you see the results much faster.
So, Alhamdullilah.

By the wayy. You know how guys love their cars? I'm thinking of buying new rims for mine-yes, it's a Honda Civic 2001, not a sports car-but I love my car; I'd rather have the car I drive now than a Camaro or a Mercedes, Audi, or even a Lamborghini Gallardo-which are some of my favorite cars in the world.

Cause if you let me, here's what I'll do
I'll take care of you

365 Day Project, Day 126

View over Busch campus. Engineering wings, Chemistry labs, Math library, and Bio-medical Engineering.

Karachi-365 Day Project, Day 100

I've been studying all day, and I can't focus. I know what I'm learning and how to solve the problems, but I keep staring off into the distance, and there's this.. feeling.. inside me.. that I don't want to be here.
If you do it right,
you'll love where you are.
Jason Mraz-93 Million Miles

I want to be in Karachi. I want to be with my parents, with my brothers, teaching at my old high school, driving to school, worrying about stuff like the heat and my headaches instead of being here and stressing over finances for next year, migraines, and why I feel so sad all the time.

I'm not wishing for anything here. I'm thankful for everything that I've been given. I just.. want to be in two places at once. I love learning here. I don't like the studying part, but the learning? It's so.. incredible.. how there's so much more to this world than what we see around us. There's stuff happening that we have no idea about. Flowers and bees, elements and valence shells, emergencies and 10-1's, I could keep on going and going.
I also love Karachi. I love the heat, the humidity, the traffic, the no-speed-limit, unlimited texting packages, opportunities for endless laughter..

Someone who laughs too much is lonely inside, someone who speaks less but speaks fast keeps secrets, someone who gets angry easily needs love..

I still laugh. At times. But not as much as I used to. Now, I usually laugh at comedy scenes in movies (I watch like one every month or so if I'm lucky), on skype with my family, or with friends-and I rarely get time to spend with friends.

But.. I'm not.. me.

365 Day Project, Day 82

Ivy outside the Chemistry labs.