Back to being.. me. The Original Me.

I was going to write a post, and then almost decided not to.

I'm smiling again. The only change I've made is to pray more. I'm more thankful and have more.. I guess you could call it faith.. in everything. More faith that whatever will happen will for the best. More faith that I will get through everything. More faith that I don't need anyone except Allah. More faith that I can do this.

I was at a point where I thought I needed more friends, more people around me to help me.
That's not how life works.
Most people will be with you until they don't need you anymore.
I said that so many years ago, and it's true.

In Chemistry, half the class-actually half the class-borrows my stapler when they're turning their assignments. One girl said, 'you're like everyone's favorite person.'
'Only when they need me.'

I say most because there's some people who will still stick with you, not give up on you, and always be there for you. That's your family, and a few-few-awesome friends.

Not needing people doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to them. I still want to hang out with friends and have fun and everything. But I'm not going to text anyone first anymore. I feel like I'm annoying them-it makes me feel awkward and unwanted. And that feeling is what has brought me down these last two years. I've had enough of it. I'm not going to text my crush, my three best friends, or anyone else first. If you want me in your life, if you really value me, if you want to talk to me, then text me or message me or something. I want to talk to you. I don't know if you want to talk to me.

It's what my dad told me all the way through high school-trust family and almost no one else. Well, I trusted family, and family doesn't always have your back. Your parents and your siblings, yes. The rest? Maybe. And at times, even your siblings won't back you up. It took me time to learn-to experience for myself-what my dad told me.

That's why they say that parents are always right. Which reminds me-go and give your parents a hug & tell them you love them. They might think you're crazy if you've never done it before-some of you probably think it's crazy, but you'll learn and see for yourself someday.

I just hope it won't take you time and this thing called work hardening-which is a term for how blacksmiths beat metals with alloys to make them stronger-won't happen to you like it does to most people, and like it has to me.

So, I don't need anyone else except Allah. I said some time ago that I needed whoever was supposed to make me a better person, whoever she is, whatever her name is. I've realized that I don't need to be in a relationship to feel happy, to get through everything. I got used to being in a relationship. I'm in no rush to get into another one. Whenever the time is right, Allah will make it happen. I trust Allah.

So, Alhamdullilah. All we need is Allah.

A Dying Heart

Thirty Nine Followers :o

You're all welcome to my blog =)

So yesterday my parents told me that they're going to be picking my friends from now on. No, not because I did anything, but because my parents have their own.. whatever it's called..

I already have such few friends, because the awesome ones I used to have either moved away, changed, or stopped talking to me when I moved away.

I'm not complaining, because it taught me a lot.. but it would be nice to be able to talk to someone not in the family and be able to trust them.

Yes, that's exactly what I need.

But my parents just decreed that I can't talk to some of my friends.. The few who actually talk to me.

And I have to obey, because,
1. Islam says that I have to.
2. If I don't, then I'm a hypocrite.
3. If I'm a hypocrite, then I'm going to hell.
4. If I'm going to hell, then I really don't need more reasons to go to hell.
5. Besides, they mean the best for me, even if I don't agree with them.

I found this on Purple Mist's Blog and I decided to do it..

A. Make a list of 5 things that are in reach.
Cellphone. Pocketknife. Calculator. Drill machine. School ID.

B. What is your favourite holiday?
Christmas Eve. My birthday too. :p

C. What is your fashion style?
Just look neat and presentable, I guess? Does that count?

D. What’s your occupation?
Student/Teacher.

E. What do you hear right now?
Too much. Want me to elaborate? Okay. My uncle (he doesn't fast on Saturdays) mixing sugar into his tea, my brothers playing on the Nintendo, and this sad song that I'm listening to..

F. Who was the last person you hugged?
My dad, this morning, when he left for work.

G. What random song just popped in your head now?
Lifehouse-It is what it is

H. What did you do today?
Woke up at 4 for Sehri. Slept till 11. Played Age of Empires for a few hours. Felt sad. Thought. Tried to figure out exactly what was making me feel sad. Prayed. Did a ton of chores. Thought a bit more. Decided to get on blogger. Writing this now.

I. What was the last text message you received?
"Ovais? What's the matter? Something wrong?"

J. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
Facebook. Blogger. Hotmail.

K. What is your next big planned purchase?
Ipad.

L. If you could afford to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
A deserted island, and take some fertilizer, food-plant seeds, tree seeds, a few animals.

M. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Asleep? XD

N. Where’s your tattoo/Where would you like a tattoo?
I don't have a tattoo.. Maybe I'll get a paint one that doesn't rub off with water.. On my left palm.

O. What are you doing this weekend?
Sleeping, Thinking, Maybe going shopping for a few dress shirts-I donated most of mine when I left America

P. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
I already play the Piano. Not as an expert, but.. =)

Q. What’s the one thing you need the most now?
A reason to live.

R. Are you a creeper?
No. Are you?

S. What is your dream job?
I don't have one right now.

T. What’s the last good movie you saw?
Transformers Dark of the Moon.

U. What’s your favourite quote?
Nearly everyone is the same. You help them, then they stab you in the back, lie to you & leave you to rot-I said it.. two years ago.

V. What is your favourite colour?
It depends on my mood. I guess that since blue is the one I wear when I'm happy, it gets to be the favorite.

W. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.

X. Coffee or tea?
Ick. Neither. Coffee is concentrated caffeine, which means three day migraines. Tea.. I can make it, but never drink it.

Y. What do you love to do when it is drizzling?
Sit on top of my car and get drenched.

Z. What inspires you?
Almost anything and everything. Like yesterday, when I was standing outside a bookstore while my brothers bought some stationery.. And I was still fuming over my parents' decision about my friends.. I saw these two little beggars-siblings by the looks of it-playing with a stick, a straw, and a stone with more delight than children at school when they're playing soccer.. And it was simply so inspiring.

If you'll scroll down on my homepage, you'll see my paintings.. and this one, which was a bit hard to figure out what was in it.

This is what it is about:

Since I have a feeling that my sadness-which is still here after accepting my university deferment status, praying, and not worrying about financial aid-has made this post seem miserable, I'll add some more funny pictures..

And I'm trying really, really, really hard to keep my promise of not getting depressed. That promise, may I add, was made over three years ago.