Dreams of the future

I close the door after I step inside. I haven't even taken a few steps forward before I hear tiny steps and my three year old son comes running to me. It's late at night, so I'm a little surprised that he's awake.
"Daddy!" He shrieks as he grabs my leg.
"Hey, buddy, where's mommy?" I pick him up and ruffle his hair.
"She's sleeping on the couch." He laughs as rests his head on my shoulder. I walk into the living room and he's right, she's asleep on the couch with various toys around her. Her hair is in a neat ponytail, and she's wearing grey sweat pants and a plain white t-shirt.

I chuckle as I gently set him down. "Have you had dinner yet?" I whisper, so I don't wake her up. He grabs the collar of my shirt with his tiny little fingers and stares at me with his bright eyes which resemble mine, "Yes, but I woke up and I want my milk bottle!"
I smile and kiss his forehead. "Let's go take care of that, then."
He wraps his arms round my neck as I pick him up again, "But, what about mommy?" He bites his little finger.

"Let her sleep for a little bit longer, she looks really tired." I take him to the kitchen and look for his milk bottle. I hear her wake up and walk into the living room, having found it.
"Hey, babe."
She rubs her eyes and smiles at me, "Why didn't you wake me up when you got home?"
"He wanted his milk, so I took care of it, I didn't want to wake you up."
As she stands up, I pull her into my arms, hugging both of them, the two most important people in my little world.

Hope.

I had a dream last night.
You weren't in it.
It was a different face.
A new face, a face I didn't recognize.

I'm being patient.
God lets everything happen for the best.
But the new face?
It represents hope, and a new world of possibilities.

It's nice, to be able to smile, while hoping for the best.
It's amazing, to be able to sing along with my old favorite songs, and not see your face everywhere.
But, there is no true despair, without hope.
Even so, I'm not afraid. Life brings its challenges, and the only way to beat them is to meet them head-on.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.-Lao Tzu.

The flag, of the crescent, and the star.

My homesickness gets worse with every day.
It's not about the food anymore, or the atmosphere.

It's like.. feeling empty.
Feeling far away.

It's not about any people anymore, either.

It's like a dream, a far off dream, a day that I'm waiting for, but the day isn't coming anytime soon.

I've been listening to the national anthem on repeat for the last few hours, and it doesn't make it any better.

I can close my eyes, and imagine being back home, imagine every step that I take, and almost be able to.. feel the experience.

It's time to go back to being super busy and not having time to miss home.
It's the only thing that works.

A little longer.

He can almost see it, he knows he's almost there.

He reaches out, but there's nothing.

He opens his eyes.

There was never anything there, except an illusion.

Letter to you.

I started writing this on the 3rd of January.
It's.. about you. For you.

You are.. everything I wanted.
If I told you, you were right,
Would you take my hand tonight?
If I told you the reasons why,
Would you leave your life and ride?
And ride..

For me, loving you means smiling.
It means not worrying.
It means having the strength to look forward and fight through everything.
That strength doesn't come from you.
It doesn't come from knowing that someone will stand beside you no matter what or that you'll have someone to talk to.
It comes from loving you and knowing that I'll do anything for you.

Because that's what loving someone is really about.
It's about the other person.
It's not about you or what you can get from it.
"Love is putting someone else's needs before yours."

I read a quote right now that said, 'if you like her, go tell her, before someone else gets her.'
I don't agree with it.
Because if I tell you, I don't know if you're ready for it yet.
I know I'm not ready, not ready to tell you, and definitely not ready to jump into this.
Because for me, it's about you.
It's about what makes you happy.
There's always some point during a day when I'm listening to music where I'm going to wonder what you think about me.
I'm going to wonder how often-if ever-I cross your mind.
And I don't want those thoughts to make me lose faith in you.

Because if it's meant to be, it'll happen.
And I'm going to keep being patient.
I'm going to keep learning.
I'm going to keep improving, to be the best that I can be.
I'm going to keep loving you.

Because it's helping me.
It's motivating me faster.
I've told you how I don't live for myself.
How I don't.. want..
I don't want a big house, or to be famous, or to make money.. no.
I just want to do some good.
I want to make others happy.
So, I live for my parents and my two brothers.
Now, I live for you, too.

I realized all this while driving today.
Because I had all my windows and sun roof down with music turned up.
And it was the song that you had said you liked too.
And I didn't have to.. worry.
I didn't have to.. stress.

That's what I love about being in love with you.
It's the fact that I can smile all the time.
It's the fact that I don't rely on you or anyone else.
It's the fact that I know I'll be fine at the end of the day.
It's the fact that I'm not dependent on you or what you think.
Because while I value you and your opinions more than anything, if you don't love me the way I love you, I can still smile.
I can still keep working hard and studying a lot without me wanting to ever give up.

It's the 20th today.
I went through hell all day.
I woke up after an amazing dream. I was dealing with an emergency & trying to help people and everyone around me was moving away after their own needs were met. And then you came, and you had my back through it all.
And once it was over, I lay down on the grass and looked up at the sky.
And you came over and lay down next to me, and told me you were never leaving me, no matter what.

I need you to tell me that and actually stay with me.
I might not be the strongest guy at the gym or a super genius with a photographic memory, but if there's one thing that defines me, it's that I'll do anything for someone I care about.
I didn't kill myself years ago because I wasn't going to put my parents and brothers through hell. I got up and fought on, even with my migraines, even with how much I hate this dunya.

I'll do anything for you.
I won't ever give up on you. I won't ever intentionally hurt you.
I'll do my best to keep you happy. Because your happiness is all I care about, and I'll always put your happiness before mine.
I may not have the solutions to every single thing, but you're never going through anything alone.
I want to be the person who wakes you up for Fajr & waits for you to get home so we can pray Isha together.
Because my wish, my Dua, for you, is that Allah is happy with you. 

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

You're my Nemo. If you get lost, I'll come and find you, no matter what.
So, how about we flip a coin? Heads, you're mine. Tails, I'm yours. :p
And we can ride.. in this.

I'm your Prince Charming, when will you see that?
I can love you like that
I will make you my world
Move heaven and earth
If you were my girl
I would give you my heart
Be all that you need
Show you you're everything
That's precious to me
If you give me a chance
I can love you like that.

Believe.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

I was going through my phone, looking at old texts, and my blog, looking at my old posts.

I found two that have had over a thousand views each, and I wanted to share them again.

Firstly, one of my favorite posts. This was about my dreams.
This is why I will always go on and never give up. I can take anything just to see my dreams come true.

The One Who Leaves Me Breathless is a real person, yes. And I really, really love her. 
You guys will probably think that I need to go to a mental hospital once you read this.. but I'm fine, really. This gives me a reason to live, you know? 
And if one of you dreams of your kids and sees them in your sleep, then you'll feel the same way that I do. 


They're Aral and Ayza.. Aral is one year old, and Ayza is three years old. And amazing and really intelligent children. I can't even begin to describe the love that I have for them, even though I've only seen them in my dreams. If I don't dream of them, then it's like my dreams were totally empty. Like my world is empty without her. They both have my eyes. And by 'her' I mean TOWLMB.


But yes, the dreams.. So in the first one, which was over a year ago, I'm driving a 350Z and she's in the passenger seat, holding a baby boy who looks just like her. 


In the second one, I'm sitting on the prayer mat/Jai namaz and saying Dua, and Aral-that's his name-is running towards me, and he's around one or two years old at that time. 


Then I'm laying down on my bed with a migraine and both the kids are asleep.. There's a small light in the corner so the room is almost totally dark.. And she's sitting next to me, trying to make the migraine go away by talking to me.. 


Aral wakes up, but doesn't make noise since Ayza is asleep.. Smart kid, he knows his sister is still asleep.. and we put him back to sleep together.. 


She's playing with Ayza-who looks exactly like her mom-and their toys, and I'm laughing & taking a video.. And Ayza looks up at me, and I can see the intelligence in Ayza's eyes.. Aral has his mom's iPhone and he keeps acting like he's going to dip it into a glass of water, but keeps taking it out and laughing.. 


She's exhausted, so she crawls into my lap and goes to sleep there.. and then Aral comes in, he's half-asleep, and he wants to sleep in my lap too, so I let him lean against me and go to sleep.. Ayza comes in then with her mom's Iphone and shows me her plans for my surprise birthday.. 


She wants to go on a vacation to Italy for three days and relax, so I help her pack.. and then the kids walk in and they won't let her go, so we give them an Ipad each as a surprise for letting her. 
When I told her about that dream, she said we'll go for a proper family vacation and not her alone.. Let's see what she says after eight years. :D

We were walking through some mountains with some friends and she knew the path through to the beach. And when we got to the beach, there was this house and the two of us ran to it while everyone else sat down for a picnic. And we walked in to find Aral watching cartoons and she picked him up and he said Ayza was sleeping upstairs.

We were shopping with Aral and Ayza and when we got in the car, they both wanted to sit in front.

We were at Arena and Aral was running around so I had to pick him up and bring him back to Ayza and her as they waited for us.

I've had many more dreams of them, but these are the most memorable ones..

This was the second one. After all, The One Who Leaves Me Breathless is one in seven billion.
You're one in a billion

I saw this written on one of my posts a few months ago, and it feels good to still feel the way.

If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Right. In my next post, I'm going to be featuring two poems that two brilliant bloggers have written. Their poetry is so awesome that I wish I had written it. Who those two bloggers are is a surprise.

Oh, and before I forget. I went to Rajoo's ice cream store in Bahadarabad today. I am not going to go back to America without going there one more time and going to Meerut as well. Those two places simply have some of the best (I'm without a word here) foods? that this city has.