One foot, in front of the other

I know it's all you've got to just, be strong,
And it's a fight just to keep it together, together,
I know you think, that you are too far gone,
But hope is never lost,
Hope is never lost.

The countryside becomes a blur as the highway turns into a road. Ohio isn't like West Virginia. West Virginia is scenic, beautiful, it even smells good. Ohio is just boring. Oh, hey, there's a farm, oh hey, building, oh hey, steep road, have to drive safe. And it just started raining again. The remoteness of some of these places is amazing and scary to imagine. Can you imagine living in a small town with just two stores and one main road, and everything else is at least an hour's drive away? It's a really, really terrifying thought, and it's nice to be out of that little town and closer to the destination.

Hold on, don't let go
Hold on, don't let go

The data connection cuts out in some areas. It takes the music with it, leaving the quiet patter of the rain on the windshield and the wipers swishing behind it.

Just take, one step, closer,
Put one foot in front of the other
You'll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You're gonna be ok.

The road finally turns back into a proper, big highway. A minute, there's a sign: Welcome to West Virginia. It feels good to be back. West Virginia, almost Heaven. Shouldn't it count as almost Heaven if the one person you love most in the world is there? Shouldn't it count as almost Heaven and the biggest blessing to love someone so much, and be loved back too? Shouldn't it count as almost Heaven when it feels like you're home? It should, shouldn't it. It is almost Heaven. Remember to listen to Belinda Carlisle's Heaven is a Place on Earth at some point.

I know your heart is heavy from those nights
Just remember that you are a fighter, a fighter
You never know just what tomorrow holds
And you're stronger than you know
Stronger than you know.

The song keeps replaying, it's soothing and relaxing. You really are stronger than you know. You can do this. One step, closer, by putting one foot in front of the other.

And when the night, is closing in,
Don't give up and don't give in,
This won't last, it's not the end, it's not the end
You're gonna be ok
When the night, is closing in,
Don't give up and don't give in,
This won't last, it's not the end, it's not the end,
You're gonna be ok.

Priorities

What a difference a year makes.
Having a girlfriend who converted to Islam, Alhamdullilah. Who brought me closer to Allah and taught me some stuff I didn't even know.
Going to West Virginia for a few days and having the time of my life there. Alhamdullilah.
Being closer than ever to finally graduating. InshaAllah.
Being hospitalized twice and slowly getting better, Alhamdullilah.
Changing as a person and learning, actually appreciating and enjoying while learning.

I wouldn't recognize myself a year ago. Life really does change everything.

Change

Coming back here is like walking around an old house that you grew up in. You can look around and see what you did when you were younger and what life was like back then. It's a reflection on how things are so different now.

I'm feeling homesick. I don't normally have time to think about life, or reflect on the past-I changed my life to being much more busy so there would never be a chance for me to just think or become depressed. I'm taking my first vacation in about three years, so I actually have the time for once.

I was reading an article about Karachi & the situation there & politics, and the memories that stand out the most for me are ones I can almost feel.
I can feel myself sitting on the prayer mat, at around midnight, the day before my mid-term exams, all those years ago, texting, feeling like the world was collapsing around me.
I can feel myself looking out over the city, and it's night again, seeing the lights, and feeling the cold breeze.
I can feel myself sitting in the balcony, without electricity, letting the breeze help against the heat of the day.
I remember waking up early in the morning and sitting outside to read, the most relaxing feeling in the world.

It's always been my city, the one place I've loved and always intended on going back to. I always told myself that I would graduate and move back there. Instead, I can't stand the thought of walking around there. I've had OCD for the last two years, and the thought of walking around where the streets aren't as clean as they are here is hard to comprehend. I know I'd go crazy, and it's hard to even think about it for more than a few seconds.

I've changed so much. I used to be so much nicer. I used to actually go out of my way to help others. I still do, but on a much lower scale-it isn't as high of a priority as it used to be. I used to love volunteering, meeting people, making friends, talking to people, seeing the smiles on their faces. Instead, I'm avoiding people. I get tired of dealing with crazy people at work-I work in retail-and it's just exhausting. I prefer not to socialize now-and I was the one who always talked to more people in a day than anyone else I know!
I've become someone I never thought I'd be. And even though I try my best to stay true to me, I don't know if I'm happy with who I am now. Probably not, to be honest.

Dreams of the future

I close the door after I step inside. I haven't even taken a few steps forward before I hear tiny steps and my three year old son comes running to me. It's late at night, so I'm a little surprised that he's awake.
"Daddy!" He shrieks as he grabs my leg.
"Hey, buddy, where's mommy?" I pick him up and ruffle his hair.
"She's sleeping on the couch." He laughs as rests his head on my shoulder. I walk into the living room and he's right, she's asleep on the couch with various toys around her. Her hair is in a neat ponytail, and she's wearing grey sweat pants and a plain white t-shirt.

I chuckle as I gently set him down. "Have you had dinner yet?" I whisper, so I don't wake her up. He grabs the collar of my shirt with his tiny little fingers and stares at me with his bright eyes which resemble mine, "Yes, but I woke up and I want my milk bottle!"
I smile and kiss his forehead. "Let's go take care of that, then."
He wraps his arms round my neck as I pick him up again, "But, what about mommy?" He bites his little finger.

"Let her sleep for a little bit longer, she looks really tired." I take him to the kitchen and look for his milk bottle. I hear her wake up and walk into the living room, having found it.
"Hey, babe."
She rubs her eyes and smiles at me, "Why didn't you wake me up when you got home?"
"He wanted his milk, so I took care of it, I didn't want to wake you up."
As she stands up, I pull her into my arms, hugging both of them, the two most important people in my little world.