This is just...sad.

I want to go to Japan in the Fall if I don't get into my favorite university.

At least I'll be doing something useful.

Here's why I want to go:

Japan

Talking to himself

February 4th...
I don't trust myself anymore. Every other day, I get depressed and upset. I don't care about anything. I need to study for my exams, but I keep getting distracted. I don't deserve to be here. If I don't study and get my scolarship, I have to go back three years in education. I can't argue with my parents-I've done enough argueing already, and they really deserve better.

I am SUCH a horrible person. Bad to my parents and brothers, bad to my friends...

It's not like I don't understand or that I can't do it; I just keep getting depressed. I hate the feeling-I do not want to kill myself. But it makes me wonder, sometimes, if there is even one thing left to live for...

God is testing me. Pray and study. I'll get my scolarships eventually. Don't give up.

Just study all day. I've done it before, when I studied for the O'levels and my school stuff.

Yeah, but now there's more chores, there's no one who actually listens or does them for me until my exams end. Even doing the chores in my breaks doesn't fit it...

Relax. Is it really that bad to go back three years? At least I won't be so stressed out, and I'll be far away from everything that distracts me.

I don't want to be away. It gets worse everyday. It's not something that just goes away...

February 12th...
It feels so nice to be outside in the wind, with the fresh air and wonderful smell. And my room is the total opposite...closed in...

I hate closed spaces. No wonder I can't stand elevators.

Just feel so...tired. So much going on, even though it's spring break.

What's the worst that can happen? I'll die, right? Pff. Not a problem. Or facing life without my parents right now, now that's horrible. How wrong to not have death as the worst possible thing that can happen to you. Or how wonderful. Ugh, enough of this, I'm going to go sleep.

February 17th...
Can't wait for June. It's going to be nice being without too many worries & stresses.

March 25th...
Wow, been busy. Packing and homework...Wow. Been SO long since I wrote anything. Dead tired...Can't wait to go to Karachi. Fewer worries, more stuff that I can do instead of worrying about so many people and speculating and waiting...this is why i should resume not asking people what issues they're facing, cuz if it's an awesome friend who's having a problem, then it's my head which goes overboard trying to find a solution or wishing i could do something...even though praying is doing something. like the friend in hospital. or the one who's worrying about getting into a decent university. or my students-I had no choice but to let another teacher take over my class...since I won't have a car at that time and have to take care of my family. or the one who's facing so much and gets bugged by me regularly...i am SO bad to them. =(

I need new music. UPBEAT music. not that usual Blue October/Rascal Flatts/Lifehouse stuff I listen to. =/

This is why i get migraines. think too much. though this is like, my way of letting it out these days. sigh. wonder why i prefer the quiet...

I want to go to Japan. Help the relief efforts. Only thing is, who's going to pay for it?

I want to do so much...trying to be nicer to everyone in my family, friends-though I still try to be annoying, they won't miss me much then ( Click this to read why I'm annoying to everyone ), trying to lose weight-it's actually working, and trying to pray properly too...

And I'll do the CSS (something special services) in Pakistan-the federal government & diplomatic service exam and go to NUST if I don't get into my favorite university. I get to do change Pakistan that way... "Hum Dunya Badlien Ge" =)

Economics

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS

You don't have any cows. You claim that that Indian cows belong to you. You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk! of four cows. You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows and naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONMICS

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 17 cows. &n bsp; You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them, You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

BANGLADESH ECONOMICS

You have two cows. You don't know economics. You choose one of them as the Prime Minister of the country and the other as the Leader of the Opposition.

No offence to anyone, but Rofl.