My HiGhWaY tO hELL

I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alright, maybe the trees are gone
I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song

Why can't I stay angry for long?

At anyone or anything. For any reason. Yes, unless you delete my number, ignore my text, refuse to eat my cooking, or lie to me.

So I got really angry today because I didn't get permission to volunteer for my favorite summer camp.

Okay, lemme rewind and tell you about it and why I want to go so badly.

See how happy all those kids look? That's what I volunteer for. To see all those smiles.
And yes, I'm in one of the pictures. Ten cents if you correctly guess who I am.

There's a group of fifty or so volunteers who plan activities for them.
Stuff like making masks, painting t-shirts, playing games, hair-styling, and tons of other stuff!

Did I mention that we do all this at an SOS village? And most of the kids are orphans and the rest are Deaf children.

Which means that we have to practice and learn sign language.

That is fun, yes.

And of course, we get to socialize. It's fun even if you're having the worst time with other friends, going through hard times, or anything. It just.. makes you so thankful and happy.
Can't put the exact feeling into words. Sorry.

But, um, yeah, I might not be able to go this year. I didn't go last year because I was in America. And I was REALLY looking forward to it. Why can't I go? Because I don't have a car.
And my parents refuse to let me use a public bus or a cab.

Why? Yes, you guessed it.

"It's not safe!"

Sigh. Welcome back to Karachi, indeed.

Oh, I can drive, yes. We just need to buy a car. Which we are not going to do for some time because the car market is going to go down. So since we have much less money than what we left with, we're waiting.

Patiently and yet impatiently.

I keep getting upset every other day at the fact that I have to stay within the apartment complex all day. And there's tons of people who can't move out of their beds.

I'm sounding thankless, yes. That's step one on my highway to hell.

Why don't we have that much money, you may ask?

Because we sold all three of our cars and my dad's motorcycle when we left for America. We weren't expecting to come back so soon, no.

Sold the furniture too. And my books. My entire library of books. MY books.

I should be happy that I can read, right? I am.. but I still want my books back! Or new books!

That's step two on my highway to hell.

My dad says that I should study more instead of reading so much fiction and watching so many umm.. cartoons. yes, i love star wars animated. can't wait for the next season.

He says that if I studied more, I would get into Harvard the next time that they have twelve positions left and fifteen hundred applicants.. and I apply.

Yes, I applied to Harvard, and no, I did not get in.

And yes, I study a lot. But take some breaks too.

That's step three on my highway to hell.

Not studying as much as my dad wants me to.

By the way, if you really think that Karachi is as safe as it used to be, think again.

I can't trust the Rangers anymore. Trust the police only. And trust them because my dad is a cop. Tells you a lot, doesn't it?

I'm only saying all that highway to hell stuff because I'm really, really, really sad right now. Depressed, almost.

In fact, yes, totally depressed. Sigh.

Step four to highway to hell? You decide.

Before you decide, check out these funny pictures I found on my computer from ages ago.
Yes, that's me when I was a baby. Reminds me of a dream I had last night. Was the only person to take care of a baby in it. Scary.

I am going to study this week, though. Like a lot. Going to Arena with my friends tomorrow, though. They're picking me up. Don't know how I got permission for that.

Sigh.

Good night.