8th March, 2012.
It's raining outside. I wish.
She's talking to me happily. I wish.
I'm properly happy again. I wish.
I'm with Aral & Ayza. I wish.
All these nights are catching up to me
I just can't put insomnia to sleep
I close my eyes but all that I can see
Is someone who I'm never gonna be
All that I'm asking for
Is that you need nothing more
And nothing comes in between
Our love, and it's fragile, see
All that I'm asking for
You're all that I'm asking for
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory.
I thought coming back was the right thing to do.
That I would heal by being back in Karachi, by being back at Bay View, by going back to my old house.
Instead, I'm just as broken as I was three years ago.
And that is not good.
It's taking more and more to not just end it. To keep going on.
Faith in God is all that helps.
And if I fall
And crash and burn
At least we both know
That I tried.
There's progress on one end, at least.
She's not everything anymore. Not when it kills me. She's still a major, major, major part of my life, and I love her just as much as I always have, but I am not going to be so dependent on her anymore. I can live. And I can do this.
This wasn't supposed to be such a sad post.
I'm sorry..
9th March, 2012.
I know you've been hurt by someone elseI can tell by the way you carry yourself.If you let me, here's what I'll doI'll take care of youI've loved and I've lost.
I'm more than just an optionRefuse to be forgottenI took a chance with my heartAnd I feel it taking over.
They say you have to love yourself before you can love another person.
And that you have to love yourself even when you love someone else.
And now that applies to me.
It's called accepting who you are. Knowing who you are.
It took a long calm drive on the way home after school today that I realized it.
I am who I am. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I get upset, depressed, and even angry, but that's part of who I am.
I think of other people before I think of myself, and I often hurt others unintentionally, but it's all part of me.
I realized it when I remembered how calm I can be when stuff happens. Like today, when I was practicing with the basketball team, like I do every Friday, and one of the students got hurt really badly and fell. I was the one who went through the crowd and picked him up and had him sit so I could see what needed to be done. And sent people running to get water, the first aid kit, and my mom, since she's done a first aid course too.
Like four years ago, when a student got hit in the face with a basketball and I was a Prefect. And a bunch of people crowded around asking if he was okay and I picked him up and took him to the nurse instead of gaping there.
Like five years ago, when there was a fire drill and no one knew what to do..except me. And all I do is use my head.
I'm not perfect. All I'm saying is that I accept who I am and love myself for it.
9th March, 2012.
I know you've been hurt by someone elseI can tell by the way you carry yourself.If you let me, here's what I'll doI'll take care of youI've loved and I've lost.
I'm more than just an optionRefuse to be forgottenI took a chance with my heartAnd I feel it taking over.
They say you have to love yourself before you can love another person.
And that you have to love yourself even when you love someone else.
And now that applies to me.
It's called accepting who you are. Knowing who you are.
It took a long calm drive on the way home after school today that I realized it.
I am who I am. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I get upset, depressed, and even angry, but that's part of who I am.
I think of other people before I think of myself, and I often hurt others unintentionally, but it's all part of me.
I realized it when I remembered how calm I can be when stuff happens. Like today, when I was practicing with the basketball team, like I do every Friday, and one of the students got hurt really badly and fell. I was the one who went through the crowd and picked him up and had him sit so I could see what needed to be done. And sent people running to get water, the first aid kit, and my mom, since she's done a first aid course too.
Like four years ago, when a student got hit in the face with a basketball and I was a Prefect. And a bunch of people crowded around asking if he was okay and I picked him up and took him to the nurse instead of gaping there.
Like five years ago, when there was a fire drill and no one knew what to do..except me. And all I do is use my head.
I'm not perfect. All I'm saying is that I accept who I am and love myself for it.
ahem. heartbreak! all i can say is it will end after a while n life goes on so dont kill urself b4 dat. try to smile often n pls pls don b so sad n depressed :)
ReplyDeletebeing heartbroken sucks :/ but it'll pass eventually and it will get better.
ReplyDeleteNow ure talking:) its good to not depend on just one person. Because if u lose them u end up losing everything. This was a heavy post. It felt as though ure tryinhg to convince your ownself of what you intend to do. May Allah help u. Always n forever. Amin
ReplyDeleteAtleast she knows you love her. The worst feeling is when you really like someone but you just have to suppress your feelings.
ReplyDelete