Thoughts before I sleep & 365 Day Project, Day 25

People have told me that I have really high expectations and standards for myself. By that they mean that I feel like I should get an A on everything. And that's really how I am. When I cook, I am happy only if I cooked it right. Even if the fish is a little soft or anything like that, I don't like it. When I write, it has to be something that people like.

Yes, I know I'm not perfect. Yes, I make mistakes. But with me, making a mistake while interacting with someone else is worse than anything else that I can do. Whether it was an honest mistake or intentionally annoying a friend-Greg knows what I mean by annoying-I feel.. Bad.. No, terrible.. Not even terrible, just horribly bad about it. And I go over what I said or did before I sleep and I don't forgive myself. It's not like I go like oh hey you're an idiot or something, no. It's more like, you should do better. You are better. And my own disappointment is worse than anything else. It's the only time I feel sad now. And going to sleep feeling sad is not a good feeling.

I used to have so many commentators on my blog. I feel like they're not there anymore because I'm not as good as I should be.

Maybe that's why I want to help people so badly. Like giving back to the general equation is atonement. that's actually a thought I haven't had before..

I took a lot of pictures today. This one had the most vibrant colors, though.