And I will try.. to fix you.

I just woke up and I feel so, so, so horrible.

It's not my migraine. I just feel so empty and so tired of everything and so sad.

My migraine finally ended; I crashed while reading something The One Who Leaves Me Breathless had written. It was really interesting, but I was just so tired.

Yes, I've had a migraine since 4pm. Which means that I got some rest between my migraines, so I can take them.. But I just kept forgetting stuff all day. I forgot that it was one of my favorite teachers' birthday yesterday. I forgot that I had to talk to people at school. I forgot to remind dad to help me fix the car.

Sigh.

My brother had his basketball quarter final today. Our school won. :)

And on the way back, I saw this ambulance going through heavy traffic, and it reminded me of Eid a few years ago.. We were in Gulshan at 8ish, visiting a few relatives. And we were stuck in a traffic jam caused by this one guy in a van who was blocking the road by going the wrong way. And this ambulance stopped right next to us, and couldn't move because of bumper to bumper traffic. And the van guy was arguing with people from the cars in front of him. This boy.. around eighteen or maybe nineteen.. got out of the ambulance, ran all the way to the van and yelled at the guy from the van and got him to move.

The way that he ran was as if his life depended on it. And since I just had a nightmare of The One Who Leaves Me Breathless being hurt, wouldn't it be so sad if the person in the ambulance was the one who left that boy breathless? I never found out whether the ambulance reached in time. But I really hope it did.

I'm depressed right now, yes.

My migraines won't go away. Medicines don't work. Kalonji doesn't work. I can't sleep half the time.
I'm not depressed about getting them. I'm depressed that they still hurt as much as they always did, and sometimes they hurt more. I can't eat when I have a migraine now, I force myself to, so I can stay functional.

And even The One Who Leaves Me Breathless can't stop the migraines or lessen the pain by much anymore.

I know many of you worry about me and migraines. It's something I live with, and doctors can't change. Unless she does. But my mom gets them too. Hers are less frequent and shorter, she gets to take stronger medicine which doesn't work anyway.

I love you guys. You, who reads my blog and then comments. You, who prays for the two of us. You, who used to read such happy and funny posts from me until they turned sad again. I haven't felt this sad since my best friends left me. She's asleep, so I have no way to heal.

I have a new best friend. She's The One Who Leaves Me Breathless. I trust her like I trust no one else. She's the one I turn to whenever I need anything. And she's the one who stays with me no matter what. I really really really love you.

Aah. I can feel my migraine coming back. So I'm going to crash again. :(

Sigh. Have a great weekend, everyone!

If I counted a star for every reason that I love you, I would. But I ran out of stars the other night. This smile is for you.

You turn heads when you walk through the door!

I haven't written about my life like I used to for a while, I know.

Most of my posts have been about the One-Who-Leaves-Me-Breathless. And poetry.

I've had her to talk to and vent everything out, so now I'm giving her a break-yes, you'll read it here anyway-but you're in a good mood, and I'd rather not spoil it for you.

So.
It took me ages and ages and ages to finally decide that I will do mechanical engineering, graduate with a degree, and then come back and live in Pakistan. Where I will get a good job (Insha Allah) and then do the Civil Service Exams to see if I can change Pakistan from the inside.

One of my mom's uncles came over today-he's an awesome person and really helpful too-and he asked me to do an internship in a marketing company so I could decide what I really wanted to do.

And that brought it all back, the memories of the torture of deciding what I wanted to do and how I would do it. All I really want to do is improve people's lives, make them happy, and then keep them happy. And since I'd rather not become a psychiatrist or a psychologist, I can help people financially and that gives me space to study psychology and then help them too.
Do I make sense? :o
By the torture, I mean my parents and grandmother trying to convince me to do what they wanted me to do..
And being asked to 'think about' whether this world can be our heaven or not. And that God gave us brains and abilities so we could create our own heaven on earth.

Sigh.

It took me an entire packet of skittles to cheer up. I love skittles.

My week at school was.. nice. It was fun because I love being with her. It's why I look forward to every single day. It's not that much fun for her since she has to study. And we all hate studying.
I just finished and submitted my Government homework, so I'm free for a while. And listening to Lifehouse. Sad songs, yes, but that's me.. I can listen to sad and slow songs and laugh at the same time. =D

By the way, I won't be coming to the blogger meet up, but I hope everyone has fun!!

I just read a few sad and interesting posts.

Sad, but awesomely written. Every single one of them.
There's Naked Reality's blog at Naked Reality. Her latest post left me speechless. And that hasn't happened to me before. Like EVER.
Only the One Who Leaves Me Breathless has that ability. :o
So, you should click on that link to her blog. It's what I would do, if I were you.

Then there's The Butterfly Effect's blog at The Butterfly effect. She's an amazing person, and her posts remind me of how different life can be. Different and similar at the same time.
There's Priyanka Victor's blog at Confessions of the Chocolate Obsessed. Her latest post was just amazing. I'd rather that you go over and read it.

And everyone needs a laugh now. A proper, long, good, laugh.

But first.
I love you soo soo soo soo much. You make my life worth everything. You are awesome. And you can't deny it! =D

Now.

Now, back to singing..
There's this girl..
The one and only wonder of this world.