And I will try.. to fix you.

I just woke up and I feel so, so, so horrible.

It's not my migraine. I just feel so empty and so tired of everything and so sad.

My migraine finally ended; I crashed while reading something The One Who Leaves Me Breathless had written. It was really interesting, but I was just so tired.

Yes, I've had a migraine since 4pm. Which means that I got some rest between my migraines, so I can take them.. But I just kept forgetting stuff all day. I forgot that it was one of my favorite teachers' birthday yesterday. I forgot that I had to talk to people at school. I forgot to remind dad to help me fix the car.

Sigh.

My brother had his basketball quarter final today. Our school won. :)

And on the way back, I saw this ambulance going through heavy traffic, and it reminded me of Eid a few years ago.. We were in Gulshan at 8ish, visiting a few relatives. And we were stuck in a traffic jam caused by this one guy in a van who was blocking the road by going the wrong way. And this ambulance stopped right next to us, and couldn't move because of bumper to bumper traffic. And the van guy was arguing with people from the cars in front of him. This boy.. around eighteen or maybe nineteen.. got out of the ambulance, ran all the way to the van and yelled at the guy from the van and got him to move.

The way that he ran was as if his life depended on it. And since I just had a nightmare of The One Who Leaves Me Breathless being hurt, wouldn't it be so sad if the person in the ambulance was the one who left that boy breathless? I never found out whether the ambulance reached in time. But I really hope it did.

I'm depressed right now, yes.

My migraines won't go away. Medicines don't work. Kalonji doesn't work. I can't sleep half the time.
I'm not depressed about getting them. I'm depressed that they still hurt as much as they always did, and sometimes they hurt more. I can't eat when I have a migraine now, I force myself to, so I can stay functional.

And even The One Who Leaves Me Breathless can't stop the migraines or lessen the pain by much anymore.

I know many of you worry about me and migraines. It's something I live with, and doctors can't change. Unless she does. But my mom gets them too. Hers are less frequent and shorter, she gets to take stronger medicine which doesn't work anyway.

I love you guys. You, who reads my blog and then comments. You, who prays for the two of us. You, who used to read such happy and funny posts from me until they turned sad again. I haven't felt this sad since my best friends left me. She's asleep, so I have no way to heal.

I have a new best friend. She's The One Who Leaves Me Breathless. I trust her like I trust no one else. She's the one I turn to whenever I need anything. And she's the one who stays with me no matter what. I really really really love you.

Aah. I can feel my migraine coming back. So I'm going to crash again. :(

Sigh. Have a great weekend, everyone!

If I counted a star for every reason that I love you, I would. But I ran out of stars the other night. This smile is for you.