Drowning

It's like something that's fragile, but stronger than anything else in the world. It's like a feather that the wind can blow away, but a feather that is heavier than mountains.

I'm turning 22 in a day. I expected to have graduated by now. I expected to be back in Pakistan. It's funny how life blows all your expectations out of the water, how everything changes so suddenly, how every single plan is completely destroyed. I've given up on having any plans for the future anymore. It's back to taking life one day at a time.

It's a really weird feeling to give up. I've always had this voice in my head that kept me going, that always said that God knows best and to keep trying, to keep throwing myself at everything until it was done. I can't hear that voice anymore. The faith in God is still there, thankfully. But without that voice, it's as if I've given up caring. Like nothing matters anymore.

The last time I gave up caring about anything, I stood a knife's edge away from death. It's a different sensation this time; like I'm free of any obligations, but I can focus more on the stuff that really matters. It's like being out of a cage that I've been trapped inside.

I don't care anymore. Why should I?

The shadows lengthen as he walks down the sidewalk,

It's past midnight, and there's almost no one around.

He walks calmly and slowly,

as if there isn't anything to worry about.

A car races down the street,

but he doesn't pay any attention to it.

A squirrel notices him going past

but he doesn't even look at it.

He seems lost in thought,

It's almost as if he's sleepwalking.

The red lights start to blink,
The barrier comes down on either side.

A light approaches from far away,
It's moving towards him like the wind.

He doesn't feel anything anymore,
As the train knocks him out of its way.

Will you be my chamack chalo?

Hii.


I am happy. Yes, very happy. Even though I miss The One Who Leaves Me Breathless like a lot.


Compare that to how I was yesterday. It was like how the rest of the year had been.


I woke up sad, my friend's dad had passed away, and so I spent time with him. His mum had passed away in January, so he really needed someone to keep checking on him.


But yeah, I went to my great-grandmother's house after that. And I got my camera. Which I had waited a long time for!

My present from mum.

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see


And I just love my camera. It is amazing. And I can finally take awesomer pictures! I've been taking pictures since sixth grade. Using an ancient Fuji camera and my cellphone camera.

This is a picture of a model of the Great Wall that one of my teachers got me.

See how amazing my pictures turn out to be?
Where was I? Oh, yeah. How yesterday was.


My last day of being Eighteen was.. okay. Did I already say that?
Anyway.


I played cricket. Something I haven't done in years. Like a proper game with my brothers. Since I love soccer.
And I listened to music for most of the day.


Girl you are my chammak challo.
Where you go girl, I'm gonna follow.
What you want girl just let me know.
You can be my chammak challo.


My baby cousin was dancing to Chammak Challo and that reminded me of Aral and Ayza. Aral and Ayza are, by the way, the two babies that I dream about and will, with God's will and blessing, see one day.
Which reminds me, I was missing The One Who Leaves Me Breathless so much that I actually forgot I was turning nineteen soon.

And today?
Today was.. new. different. a new experience. But then it's the new experiences that make life worthwhile, don't they?


I thought that my beloved was asleep, since she had a very exhausting day. She surprised me, and really made my day.

I was praying at that time-for her, yes-and it's something I do on every birthday when the clock strikes twelve. I pray. There is no better way to start the new year, is there?


I slept quite a bit. And texted a lot. And ordered Dunkin, since my friends forgot it was my birthday and told me they couldn't come to hang out at Dunkin Donuts.

And above all, I took pictures with my new camera. It's the best feeling ever. The third best feeling after being loved and knowing that there is a God above.

Forgiven. :)

Therefore, so far, my nineteenth birthday has gone.. okayish.
The One Who Leaves Me Breathless, I love you and miss you soo much.


I really hope that this is as random as my posts used to be.

Stay with me

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere.


Have you heard the cover of Rebecca Black's Friday? It's called 'Jumuah.' It's about Friday and going to the mosque and praying.. and it's really funny.


I'm listening to music while blogging, so that's why you see a ton of lyrics in my posts.


I'm a lucky man
To count on both hands
The ones I love
Some people just have one
Others they got none.


I've had an interesting week. Filled with invigilations-wait, I had to add that word to my computer's dictionary, it didn't have it-and yeah, we're having exams at school. I hate exams.


The sun goes down
The stars come up
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came.


I went to a new doctor this week. So now I'm taking a total of seven medicines daily and I'm migraine free. It feels amazing to be able to think clearly, even if the medicines make me hungry and depressed.
Those two things I can fight.


Cause we've waited all our lives
Now we're seeing here in our rise
These hands can build up
All that we dreamed up


I'm going to be awarding a few bloggers in my next post. It's taken me too long to decide who to award, since there are so many awesome blogs out there that I follow.


And I'll miss your laugh your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights I hate them
Let's start this again for real


It's my birthday in a week. I'm looking forward to finally getting my camera, yes. And I'm looking forward to having Dunkin Donuts on my birthday. My parents are only letting me eat Dunkin twice a month. So I guess I am looking forward to something.


Every time I reach for you, there's no one there to hold on to
Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go of this
Lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too
Now I know what empty is, I've had enough, I've had enough of this


The One Who Leaves Me Breathless, I love you. You are an amazing person and I am blessed to have you in my life. You are the strength that keeps me walking, You are the hope that keeps me trusting, You are the life to my soul, You are my purpose, You're everything.

I hope everyone has a wonderful and happy weekend!

My birthday is 24th December

My birthday really is 24th December.
Not really amazing, since the world gets 25th December off to celebrate my birthday. =D

Firstly, Hamza Bin Laden.

I asked around, and I've found that you're the one who beat me in my first fist fight at St Michael's. Not cool, man.

I've forgiven you. :)
BUT you need to stop taking my lines, man. :p

Second, I just got done with my third week's tests and quizzes of summer online class. I'm taking Anthropology, which is about.. well, just Google it.
Speaking of which, I learnt two more words of Latin today. Tabula Rasa. Means 'blank slate.'

And my blog used to be funny. Is it still funny, people?

Am I the only one around here who loves comic strips? Like those ones that come in the newspaper?
That reminds me, I saw Superman and Batman Apocalypse day before yesterday.
And Supergirl is HOT.

Third, I was at Imtiaz Supermarket today, and stuck in the long line for people who are carrying their stuff in a basket. Turns out, there were seven-count them, seven-people who tried to cut the line in fifteen minutes. And that has annoyed me so much that it's making me realize how soon Pakistan needs the next generation to take over and rebuild. So I have a.. plea? request? demand? Take it as you will, but please, please, please learn all that you can right now. Study, learn, whatever. Just make sure that you're doing something-even if it's five minutes in a day-to learn about Pakistan's current halaath/situation and how you could improve one thing, and what steps you would take to improve it. Pick any one topic which irritates you the most.. whether it's the electricity, the water, the government, the killings, the prices, anything, but stick with it.

Why am I asking you to do this? Because in exactly one month, I am going to be starting stage three of my change-pakistan-for-good project. You love this country just as much as I do, right?

Right.

I gave myself a haircut on Monday, and I.. well. okay. So everything went just perfectly. (Yes, I have an electric machine) Until I started on my side burns. I accidentally took the machine up to my forehead. So now I had hair on the left side on my forehead, and nothing on my left. So I had to equalize it, right? Right. So, um, I did the same thing on the other side, this time purposefully. Which ended with my hair looking like.. Oh, I'll put up a picture tomorrow.

This was supposed to be a short post, but I expect my posts to be shorter after today, since I'm fasting from Sunday.

I'll end with some pictures I found on College Humor.com..

Have an awesome weekend =D